He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Moan for me like Helen Keller
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
