Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
