you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
