I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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