I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
