I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
