i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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