first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did i walk over a car last night?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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