Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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