just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
