Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
