A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
