'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
