I cockslap morals
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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