That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
