you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
