We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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