If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
