You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize