Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is wine microwaveable?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
