I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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