How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
