After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize