wakey wakey hands off snakey
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
