god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
