I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
