i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
