Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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