i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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