That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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