That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
