Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
