She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
