I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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