so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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