I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm experimenting with sincerity
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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