It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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