Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
