She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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