I hate your face
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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