I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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