oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
