Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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