she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
