There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
