Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
