I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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