i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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