Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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