Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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