just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
