Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize