oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
