no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
