I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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