The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
