fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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