we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have aggressive nipples.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
