: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
