True but thats because hes a fetus.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
