she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
