i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
