i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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