The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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