he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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