i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
