the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
