I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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