I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
