I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
