3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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