We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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