people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
