my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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