Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
